Meet Shila and her family, who live in a city apartment in Østerbro. Shila is a lawyer with a background in intellectual property rights and currently works at the Danish Working Environment Authority. Her partner, Sebastian, is both a photographer and a musician. Together, they’re raising their one-year-old son, Rakim Elias.
What surprised you most about becoming a parent?
It surprised me that while my life changed drastically after becoming parents to Rakim Elias, it wasn’t really the case for Sebastian. His life stayed the same in many ways while I felt like a totally different person. A changed person. As a breastfeeding mother especially I haven’t really felt like myself in a long time. Because my body isn’t just mine. I share my body with my child. And his needs (especially when he was younger) overruled my needs. Something as simple as going to the hairdresser could be complicated and difficult. But even though it came as a surprise I’ve been trying to remember that the moments of hardships of not being just yourself won’t last forever. And as we are now getting closer to me being just Shila again I’m already starting to miss the time when it was just me and Rakim Elias in our little symbiosis.
How do you nurture your own well-being while caring for your child?
I make sure to do things just for myself. In the many first months of parenthood it would realistically only be an hour to myself a week. But that hour made a huge difference in giving me energy and making me a better mother to Rakim Elias. I make sure to give myself time to nourish myself, either by taking time to read a book, use 5 minutes to make myself a matcha or do my skincare routine.

How do you and your partner support each other in parenthood?
We make sure to give each other space to do things for ourself. It’s been really important for us to stay true to ourself and the people we were before becoming parents. While many things have changed some things don’t have to change. Two weeks after giving birth to our son Sebastian had to travel to The Faroe Islands for a photo-gig. While some people may think, that he should have just stayed home, it’s just not how we see it. And that’s not how we parent. We are truly of the believe, that we are better parents for our son when we give room for each other. So for me it just didn’t make sense that he had to stay home. And If I want to go to Roskilde Festival with my friends then Sebastian stays with Rakim to give me room to have a great time with my friends. And vice versa. Of course Rakim always comes first, but we need to make sure that we nourish ourselves so we have the energy to give him all he deserves.
When and where do you typically use a baby carrier?
I usually use a baby carrier when I can feel that Rakim is overwhelmed with his feelings or he is overstimulated by the many impressions a child can meet throughout the day. In those cases he tends to need to be close to me. Because when he is close to my heartbeat it seems to calm him down.

What’s a recent moment with your child that made you pause and smile?
We went to Helsingør for a little family trip, and on the way over he just had a blast on the train. It was the most amazing thing in his little life to be able to travel from one place to another. Seeing the threes and houses pass him by. He was just in awe of it all. That moment really made me pause and smile. Because for me that represent one of my favourite things about becoming parents and having a child. Just witnessing them seeing the world and experiencing things for the very first time. That is truly just so beautiful.
How do you find your own rhythm as a parent admits all the advice?
At first, especially right after birth, I had a hard time feeling secure in the way I wanted to parent. Because so many people would give me advice, more than often also unsolicited. Advice from what I should consider when naming my son to how we decided to introduce solids. At first I tried to soak up all the advice I could get. But in time I realized it did more harm than good. Because I know my child best. And what may have worked for someone else’s kid, won’t work for mine. So I quickly became vocal in telling people that I appreciate their advice but I’ll make sure to ask If i need an advice on something.

What do you hope your child learns from simply watching you?
I hope he learns to be a tolerant human. That he won’t pass judgement on other people. I hope he learns to be a kind human that always tries to see the best in his fellow human beings. I hope I can install kindness and love in him that he can pass on to other people.
Where is your favorite family friendly places to enjoy in Copenhagen?
Where is your favorite family friendly places to enjoy in Copenhagen?
I love to spend time at Bette Café in Carlsberg Byen. A baby/kid-friendly cafe with room for both children and parents. A space for all ages with amazing play facilities for the younger ones and an amazing food/drink menu for the parents (and the kids). It’s definitely a spot where you can spend many hours.

I’m so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life that loves me and my child and would do anything for us. Our family situation isn’t like most people since my husband is away from home a lot due to his work. And I’m really blessed with a big village that always come through for me. Friends and family that let me rely on them. Because as they say. I don’t have to do it alone. And that really lifts me up.
Thank you, Shila!